My Apologies

I never understood when people said "I'll never be enough". You are who you are, yes everyone can change for them self or for others but does that really mean that they are "enough"? If you give your all to someone or to anything you do then isn't that enough? The title of this is "My Apologies" because the past few days have proved to me that the people that mean the most to me will never be satisfied with me.I want to be more then enough for them, for someone, something or anything. I'm loosing my confidences (for now), I'm never good enough for anyone Never do the right thing. My all is never what they want. I want to go back to my old ways and just give up, run away and not worry about anyone else but myself. I'm not like that i was like that at a very low time in my life. I'm at the point of giving up, I have no idea how to make every single person in my life satisfied. If its not my mom or dad its my relationship, if its not my relationship its school. The list will keep going and going. Why stick around? I ask myself that everyday. Who really cares if I stay here or not. They all complain about how I don't do things the way they want to, so why stick with me? I'm in a really bad state of mind right now. I show that I care the most to the top four people in my life and not one of them realize it. From day one I have dropped everything for them that I have and have been willing to go to the end of the earth for them. Two out of the four I understand how they feel the way they do, Im mending are relationship every second i get. The other two out of the four, have no idea what I do for them, what I would give to make sure that smile never comes off there face. I can't handle this anymore "I'm no superman" I try so hard to do everything you ask me to do, and more. Yet they still want more.What more can I give you my heart? you all have that. I give you my 150% ever second and that still isn't enough. i don't fight, I don't give, I don't care. Really? How do I not?! I'm thinking to much into it. I have to face the fact that I am and never will be enough for any of you. No wonder i get treated the way I do. i'm a push over, a sap. They say "never talk your self down, it gives people even more of a reason to talk down to you". A part of me wants to go back to my old ways. I am In many ways like the man i hate the most, Cold hearted and emotionless. I hated myself more then anything when I got to that point. I am going out of my mind. I have no control over anything anymore. I want to give up,but is it worth it? I am truly sorry that I am and never will be enough for any of you. I am who i am and know that I give my all to you, Know that I don't want to do this anymore this constant battle between myself and all of you. None of you are perfect. If you were, you would be trying to help me with this stupid battle, instead you add on to it and make me feel lower and lower to the ground. More Then anything I really wish you appreciated the effort I am putting in all of this.

This is all out of anger and frustration, another reason as to why this post is titled "My Apologies"
Don't take this to heart I am Venting,



Everyday - I try and I try and I try - But everybody wants to put me down They say I’m goin’ crazy They say I got a lot of water in my brain Got no common sense I got nobody left to believe~Queen.