Wednesday, May 27, 2009

REAL fucked up mood yesterday.. but this is for all he Love birds (;

Electronic Love

You have this ability.

The words that you write,

I can hear them as if you’re saying them.

The restrictions of technology do not apply to us,

A special situation, a plus. 

Everyday your electronic communication makes me feel like I’m on a rollercoaster,

Ups & downs, fast and slow, you fire me up like I’m in a toaster.

The vibration of my phone gives me hope that it’s you,

And when it isn’t, a feeling of disappointment runs through.

However, when I see your name and then a hey,

I feel like a young girl during the holidays who doesn’t know what to say.

Frozen, I sit thinking of the perfect response

That will make you as gitty as you make me, thus being at a loss,

For words.

But filled with such joyous emotions, it’s almost absurd.

They say you need webcams to make a visual connection,

But all I need is a smiley face in the form of a text, and I can visualize your smile, no exception.

Your “haha’s” get me excited,

That “Yes, I made her laugh,” I feel lighted.

When driving and texting you,

I turn the volume up and sing in hopes of having others see how happy I am, ask me why, and be able to say that it’s because of you.

But just as you give me happiness,

I can also share your sadness. 

And I feel that is the super glue in our bond,

Indistructable, so incredible, I question if this is all a con. 

Soon enough, I’ll find out the truth

Because we will now meet for the first time.

As excited as I am, I’m also experiencing fear,

That the truth has been masked by words like a wrongfully brought up boy does a tear.

However, when the time came,

It wasn’t even close to the same.

In fact, it was even more incredible than I had imagined it would be,

Because when we as two individuals came together, it created a magical we.

Your smile was even more beautiful than I had envisioned,

A truth that would act as a catalyst to joy, making me feel heightened. 

And as I left that day with a sense of elation,

I looked down at my phone to see your words, fabulous diction.

Reading, “I had a great time :)”,

My one lost soul, had come back, giving me feelings I’ll remember for a lifetime.

You see, you make “You’ve Got Mail” seem realistic,

And take away any possibility of me being heartsick.

The connection we have creates a whole new type of love,

Electronic love.

One that shows a true connection,

As two souls must use imagination and interpretation.

Taking ones words and imagining them saying them,

And when you can do that you have true love, a gem.

And I’m left smiling,

Colon, Parentheses, and I’m not dreaming.

I’m feeling.

Electronic Love. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

what a day


Today was it, i am my own best friend, Thinking back Who was truly there for me when shit hit the fan, Everyone left me when I lost everything. I bought a fucking bike to get to school every morning yet I lend my car to people so they don't miss school you took me home everyday and I thank you ..I really do.. but your first reaction was to break out when I told you the situation at home... and where were my "friends" when all this went down... oh yeah no where to be found.. and when my grandma past away where were my "friends" thats right making jokes..... about my situation... ,Who is truly here for me? No one... not one single person I call my "Friend" " best friend"  and If one of you say you are FUCK YOU! you use me more then anything.. Rides.. money ... pay for your food.. and pay me back.. when?  I mean I guess thats my own fault... I have paid for so much i guess you just assume its fine at this point.... I am honestly willing to do anything for the people in my life.. and I ask for one simple thing and no one is there to help... 2months people I rode a fucking Bike, to her house.. to school, to my adult school, and to my "friends" house.... But here I am every day after school taking a "friend" to there after school class just to make sure they graduate, who is truly here for me like I am for them... Not one of you mother fuckers... 

I leave June 30th ... lets see how much shit changes then? Not a damn thing I'm sure.. 

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Isn’t it ironic? We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sunday, May 10, 2009

One More Thing.





MAY 14th 2009 House of Blues (: 
 I Will be in the same room as Mos Def 
  • The Beggar Woman you know I love you
    Woman you know I care... 
    hey
    You try to say
    I'm running game
    You try to say baby you don't play fair
    Oh darling
  • Ms.Fat Booty Man.. for real
    I was in love with this girl, y'know
    I was.. to' up dog! I'm tellin you man
    She was wild man.. f'real
    It's just too.. let me tell you about her
  • U R The One But fuck that I know it gotta be more to it
    Held up with bitter hate with crosses all through it
    And when I looked, what did I see?
    You on the other end crying like me
    Expression on your face like, "how could this be?"
  • LoveI start to think, and then I sink
    Into the paper, like I was ink
    When I'm writing I'm trapped in between the line
    I escape when I finish the rhyme (aiyyo)
  • The Boogie Man Song See me, want me, give me, trust me
    Feed me, fuck me, love me, touch me
    This whole world is cold and ugly
    What we are is low and lovely
    I am the most beautiful boogie man
    The most beautiful boogie man
    Let me be your favorite nightmare
    Close your eyes and ill be right there
    While...Open...All...Over...A-gain
Okay I'll stop, I'm so stoked 

and then Dane Cook 2 weeks after (: ahh gahhd 


Is it better and easier if we don’t know the whole story, if some of the facts are left out? When the specifics are sprawled out on the table we are overcome with an intense sense of reality. Every now and then this leads to a wrong conclusion and in our heads we try to decipher the truth from the fiction. Each story has more than one side, making the task of interpreting the truth a tiresome task. Is it essential that we know the truth? Should we keep our previous view of someone or something before we were faced with the facts or come to terms with the harsh reality and accept that life and the people within it are occasionally not who we once thought they were? Living our days with idealised versions of the people around us seems uncomplicated on the surface but when given the time to dwell on the situation, the task of interpreting the whole story seems to be a difficult one itself.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Lila

"You know what's beautiful? When you know and feel that the most beautiful star in the night sky loves you with all her might. When you know that her inspiration for greatness comes from you. So joyous to know that her magic is especially reserved for you. Her purpose is to see you smile, hear you laugh, and make you happy-if only for a moment"

I fell in love this weekend 

http://kristianna.tumblr.com/


Friday, May 1, 2009


Are you ever at a loss for words? I spend most of my days locked inside my mind, and sometimes I can’t find the exit. It wont settle for second best. “Your not leaving until this is sorted.” It’s hard to find a train of thought when all your getting is mixed signals and a blinding light to throw you off course. People stir the pot. People sink their teeth in. I’m getting shaken side to side, and I’m a hollow void of thoughts lost in time. High expectations and the calm before the storm. I’m rattlin’ to the bones. I’m just hoping I catch a shimmering glimpse of prophecy in this snow globe that is my mind.