Wednesday, May 27, 2009

REAL fucked up mood yesterday.. but this is for all he Love birds (;

Electronic Love

You have this ability.

The words that you write,

I can hear them as if you’re saying them.

The restrictions of technology do not apply to us,

A special situation, a plus. 

Everyday your electronic communication makes me feel like I’m on a rollercoaster,

Ups & downs, fast and slow, you fire me up like I’m in a toaster.

The vibration of my phone gives me hope that it’s you,

And when it isn’t, a feeling of disappointment runs through.

However, when I see your name and then a hey,

I feel like a young girl during the holidays who doesn’t know what to say.

Frozen, I sit thinking of the perfect response

That will make you as gitty as you make me, thus being at a loss,

For words.

But filled with such joyous emotions, it’s almost absurd.

They say you need webcams to make a visual connection,

But all I need is a smiley face in the form of a text, and I can visualize your smile, no exception.

Your “haha’s” get me excited,

That “Yes, I made her laugh,” I feel lighted.

When driving and texting you,

I turn the volume up and sing in hopes of having others see how happy I am, ask me why, and be able to say that it’s because of you.

But just as you give me happiness,

I can also share your sadness. 

And I feel that is the super glue in our bond,

Indistructable, so incredible, I question if this is all a con. 

Soon enough, I’ll find out the truth

Because we will now meet for the first time.

As excited as I am, I’m also experiencing fear,

That the truth has been masked by words like a wrongfully brought up boy does a tear.

However, when the time came,

It wasn’t even close to the same.

In fact, it was even more incredible than I had imagined it would be,

Because when we as two individuals came together, it created a magical we.

Your smile was even more beautiful than I had envisioned,

A truth that would act as a catalyst to joy, making me feel heightened. 

And as I left that day with a sense of elation,

I looked down at my phone to see your words, fabulous diction.

Reading, “I had a great time :)”,

My one lost soul, had come back, giving me feelings I’ll remember for a lifetime.

You see, you make “You’ve Got Mail” seem realistic,

And take away any possibility of me being heartsick.

The connection we have creates a whole new type of love,

Electronic love.

One that shows a true connection,

As two souls must use imagination and interpretation.

Taking ones words and imagining them saying them,

And when you can do that you have true love, a gem.

And I’m left smiling,

Colon, Parentheses, and I’m not dreaming.

I’m feeling.

Electronic Love. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

what a day


Today was it, i am my own best friend, Thinking back Who was truly there for me when shit hit the fan, Everyone left me when I lost everything. I bought a fucking bike to get to school every morning yet I lend my car to people so they don't miss school you took me home everyday and I thank you ..I really do.. but your first reaction was to break out when I told you the situation at home... and where were my "friends" when all this went down... oh yeah no where to be found.. and when my grandma past away where were my "friends" thats right making jokes..... about my situation... ,Who is truly here for me? No one... not one single person I call my "Friend" " best friend"  and If one of you say you are FUCK YOU! you use me more then anything.. Rides.. money ... pay for your food.. and pay me back.. when?  I mean I guess thats my own fault... I have paid for so much i guess you just assume its fine at this point.... I am honestly willing to do anything for the people in my life.. and I ask for one simple thing and no one is there to help... 2months people I rode a fucking Bike, to her house.. to school, to my adult school, and to my "friends" house.... But here I am every day after school taking a "friend" to there after school class just to make sure they graduate, who is truly here for me like I am for them... Not one of you mother fuckers... 

I leave June 30th ... lets see how much shit changes then? Not a damn thing I'm sure..